Bipolarism and Inner demons.

Does anyone knows what it feels like being your worst enemy?Trying to hurt yourself so bad,so the pain you feel goes away?do you know what it's like?Being happy sometimes and then suicidals thoughts came to your mind,you cry about things from the past,you hurt others when you don't want to do it,you look yourself in the mirror and you feel disgusted by the person you see looking back at you.
Does anyone knows what it feels like?
I'm hurt,yesterday was a hard night.Along the time,I have seen somethings that I don't like,for example: I tried to help a friend and in a text that she wrote she said,she didn't needed my help or that she wanted at all,yeah I felt ridiculous after what I did,so I promise myself I'm not going to help anyone anymore,not when it comes to their troubles,I mean what is good for?you are the villain in the end not anyone else.
Everyday I feel so angry,mad,crazy,I want to break something or someone,I want to hurt those who have hurt me too,it's fair for go sake! I try to control my moods swings...yeah I'm bipolar,crazy isn't? everyone who doesn't have this problem don't know what it feels like to feel happy in one moment and then you wanna be in a corner crying alone.
There's different tips of bipolarims,like levels,I have Demi lovato level,yes is very bad and sucks a lot,but no one understands.
My ask game is the prove of that,now in the big screen i have a picture that says "it's okay,i hate myself too" , because i do! But then I don't! Now you guys see the struggle that i have to deal since I was a baby? no one knows what it feels inside of my heart,feeling angry all the time,always fighting with people,can I  tell you guys something?i think sometimes,if i tried to kill myself everyone will be way happier.
But I don't have the courage to do so,I have to live with this,I don't even know if the medication is working anymore...
Help me escaping form my demons,they're haunting me everyday,every night.I tried to run but they are faster,I tried to hide but they live in my shadows.
I don't know what else to do,they don't stop torturing me and the voices are becoming louder than before.
I tried to drown them but they know how to swim,I tried to kill them but they come back to life every time!
I turned to the sky,on my knees,crying and I scream to god: "help me father",but it was too late,god was no longer there but only devil respond: "poor child,give me your soul and you will leave in peace".
In a moment I said yes without thinking twice,but barely did I knew that late at night,I would dance with my demons and never wake up again. (this last part is kinda like a poem that I wrote in my history class,don't take it too seriously

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